Best days ahead...

Max Lucado recently came to my church to preach. He is an amazing man. His words gave me hope. I am so thankful.

"Today's questions will become tomorrow's proclamations."

A while back, I posted all my troubles, concerns, and frustrations. I had many many questions of doubt. I have come to realize that I was only seeing my circumstances on my level.  I have been living in a spirit of fear. My mind and heart have been in agony. I have been so stressed that my hair has been falling out.

I got this mind picture that God wanted to hold me, like a mother wants to hold her hurting child. He said to me "I have not given you a spirit of fear my dear child, but a spirit of power, of love, and a sound mind."

I realized I have not put my trust in my Heavenly Father. I have lost my faith. Faith is choosing to believe and act upon what God says, regardless of my feelings or circumstances.

He is trustworthy. And I will choose to look upon Him, when my feelings and circumstances tell me to be fearful. He has told me not to fear, for He is with me; to not anxiously look about me, for He is my God. He will strengthen me, help me and surely uphold me with His righteous right hand (see Isaiah 41:10).

So here I am, declaring----> I choose to live by faith in the God who has promised to protect me and meet all my needs as I walk by faith in Him. 

Psalm 27:1 The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom should I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom should I be afraid?

Youthfulness

“Youth offers the promise of happiness, but life offers the realities of grief.” ― Nicholas Sparks, The Rescue  

This is a great quote, I remember so much hope and promise and joy in my youth. We just fewer demands, and a different perspective on life. Lately I have found myself stuck in the realities of life. It has been more grievesome than anything with all the recent pressures we've had to endure.

But recently we have found ourselves in the midst of some really cool college aged people. It has been so filling to be around these guys. I've recently realized that I/we need a little more YOUTH in me/us. I mean, we might as well enjoy our youth now, we'll never be younger than we are. We are only 33&34 for crying out loud.

Anyway, we recently went on a double date with a younger couple. This couple knows how to have fun and they sure do love Jesus and life. It was SO refreshing to go out with these two.

We picnicked on the river, did some major paddle boarding, enjoyed some frozen yogurt afterwards. 

"Thank you Lord for our younger friends who are so full of zeal. I pray that we can give them something in return. Amen."

Psalm 62:8

"Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us." 

We are journeying through a season of faith with our finances. Sometimes our budget is so overwhelming I feel like I can't breathe. We budget, and we barely get our bills paid. Other than that- there just isn't enough extra money for things like school clothes, curriculum, tuition, birthdays, speeding tickets, and vacations. We sure don't have extra money for savings- which is super scary.  Our house is falling apart around us, and we are in the middle of a homeschooling room renovation that is moving slowly. We also have dental needs that can't even be thought about at this time. SO FRUSTRATING.

For the month of July we have worked extra and scrounged to cover school tuition and wrote the big check this week. Not even sure how much it will clear...thankful for overdraft protection. We know God has called us to these things, and so we know He will provide a way. He has proven Himself faithful.

For some reason this summer, I had to battle jealousy. I have found myself envious of those darn pictures on Facebook from numerous friends on vacation.  ALOT of our friends were in Colorado and posted every day a new picture of the mountains, the goodness, brag, brag, and the cooler weather. One "friend" wrote "sorry if all these mountain pictures are too much for you. Wait...no I'm not. They're amazing". It was at that moment I decided to just get off Facebook, twitter, and instagram... for they were only bringing me down.

I realized that this is a heart issue. Psalm 62:8 says "TRUST in Him at ALL times....pour out your heart before Him." I have poured out my heart before Him and have vented, cried, talked, complained, and strategized with Him. And I tell you, somehow I feel better afterwards. I have a peace come on me. I see little by little Him coming through to help cover all our needs, AND even supply for some of our wants.

I recently opened up my devotional and found this written by the Lord "Do not worry about tomorrow! This is not a suggestion, but a command. I divided time into days and nights, so that you would have manageable portions of life to handle. My grace is sufficient for you, but its sufficiency is for only one day at a time. When you worry about the future, you heap day upon day of troubles onto your flimsy frame. You stagger under this heavy load, which I never intended you to carry."  Yep- well put, I have such a flimsy frame. I simply cannot carry this. I must seek refuge in Him.

Family, Forgiveness, Goodness, and Gratefulness

OK SO, I think I am just gonna come out 100% here and be vulnerable with my heart and honest with my thoughts on a topic that is very sensitive in my life.

My older brother, the man in my life I had admired greatly, walked out on me and our family a few years ago. He has completely distanced himself from us. He no longer partakes in family activities, holidays, or funerals. These are his choices, his actions, and he will be accountable to them. I do have to mention that he has initiated a relationship with just my little brother- and has chosen to see him a few times. He also has his wife do all the communicating with us and allows her to bring their kids by so we can see them a few times a year. I am very thankful that I have this opportunity with my nieces and nephew.

I'm sure he has his own reasons to withdraw, and I know he has his own perspectives. There are always two sides to a story. But this is my perspective and my side of the story. :)  I'm not gonna lie--my family was dysfunctional. I realized that when I was put in the Methodist Home when I was 15. Thank God I was able to experience another way to live out life. (It changed me forever and I will always be grateful for that.) I do think though, that these new differences in lifestyles might have been what created the personal division between my brother and I.

"Other things may change us, but we start and end as family." I love this quote because I think we can have different lifestyles, different values, and yet still respect each others differences and be a family. I still want that for my family-- with my brother included. Despite the hole he has left, it has been great to see how my family has blossomed. How we have evolved individually and yet grown together. We have accepted eachother and our differences, we have forgiven and have worked through all the dysfunction.

My goodness, all the dysfunction. I know I have many wounds that have healed up over time from my family. And I know and acknowledge that I hurt and caused wounds to my family as well. There have been times of personal repentance as well as forgiveness. Because at the end of the day, a loving family should find everything forgivable right? Today my family is still not perfect, we have conflict and differences, but we still love each other unconditionally. There are no limits, conditions, or judgments we have on eachother.

I can say I honestly hold nothing against my brother anymore. I have chosen to fully forgive him. I have come to grips with the death of our brother/sister relationship. I have released him. But, it still hurts. It still stings. The hole is still there. It hurts the most when I think of my kids. They have a minimum relationship with their cousins. It's hard to explain to my daughters why their uncle they once knew walked out on their lives. And my sons don't even know they have an uncle Shawn. So sad, it truly grieves my heart.

I am so thankful for my family- for my dad, mom, and both brothers, for their wives, and for their children- my sweet nieces and nephews. I am thankful for the trials and the tribulations my family has endured- for they have strengthened and grown us. I would not trade any of this for anything.  

But I need to add- I am so blessed, because of God's hand in my life. His Word promised to me was that His goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

I cannot begin to express how thankful I am for my heavenly Father:

I know I am secure and accepted by God. I know that He will never leave or forsake me and my family. He gives me the perfect love I need. He is the perfect doctor and has fully healed up my wounds. He has also given me the power of forgiveness and the strength to do so fully and completely. 

I cannot begin to share how appreciative I am for my own family:

I have such beautiful family of my own. I have an admirable husband who reflects the true character of God. I have been given the honor to be "mom". We have a chance to raise up world changers. We can foster love into our children's' sibling relationship which will reflect into any other relationship they have. 1 Peter 3:8-11 is a Word God has spoken for our family.

I cannot begin to share my sincere gratitude for our Spiritual family:

God has brought honorable men and women into our lives. They have enriched us in so many ways spiritually, physically, emotionally, and financially. He has given me spiritual fathers to guide me, and brothers to care for me, and fun loving men to "uncle" my children. He has given us spiritual grandparents to love and be loved by. We would be so lost and lonely without this community of people.

Whenever I feel low, or hurt from the sting of loss with my earthly brother, I have to reflect and look on the joy of all the good God has worked into my life. Romans 8:28 says

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose."

Turning Wounds Into Wisdom.

I have all these posts in my mind for my blogs, and today I decided I will make one of those posts a reality!!

Since November, I have been working my BOOTY off to gain better health and a better body. Recently, I received a very degrading comment towards my progress and so as I've recovered from that blow, I realized I can turn those wounds into wisdom, I must stay focused and not lose heart. Here is what I have concluded so far with the whole journey of being a fit chick.

~If you are WORKING HARD for something, do it for yourself, not for anyone else.
~Your desire for something MUST go through a form of discipline to reach that delight of desire achieved.
~Treat negativity like a duck treats water- let it roll off your back! Ha!
~Setting goals are not unGodly. Go to Him, and allow Him to lead you in doing good works. Ephesians 2:8-10.
~Don't be distracted by criticism. Satan wants to thwart your purpose and will use anyone or anything to do just that.
~Dont run away from adversity. Its the hottest fires that forge the hardest steel. 
~NEVER GIVE UP! Never, ever, never give up! Nothing worth doing ever came easy!