Now, when I first heard about this special prayer request from the children's leader I sort of laughed it off, thinking kids say the darnest things. Then on the way home it started to seep in my pores and I began to think "WHAT? We don't fight all the time! What in the WORLD is Emily talking about?!"
I decided to go to Emily and get more information. I kindly thanked her for thinking of daddy and mommy, then asked her about the prayer request. I just wanted to get her perspective. "Well, you and daddy argue alot." those words cut through my heart as I asked her to give me a certain time she might have remembered us "arguing". Of course she couldn't think of a specific time.
SO later after the kids had gone to bed, Joel and I discussed this more. I had to put down all pride, hurts, and anger and really wanted to allow Emily to "sharpen" me. The Word, which is my source of Truth, says "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another". Proverbs 27:17
Honestly, Joel and I do not fight alot, but we did have to sit and re-evaluate to see what was Emily talking about. We concluded that even the slightest of arguments or any heated debates we have had in the past might appear to be an argument or fighting to our children. I'm glad they are sensitive to think of it that way- and I'm so thankful that we don't have full blown fights in front of our children. (I'm not saying we're perfect, Im sure there has been times were we went a little too far in a heated argument.)
On the other hand, it might be good to have more "constructive" opportunities to show our children that debates and discussions aren't necessarily bad. People will not always agree, and its good to have these times to talk it out. This has also alarmed us to watch ourselves if things start to get heated between us- we should wait it out when the kiddos aren't around.
So I share this, in hopes that others might use opportunities like these to allow themselves to be sharpened. Its hard to accept it from a child, but who better, when its coming from such a pure place. Joel and I learned alot from that simple prayer request, and I think the Lord answered it immediately.
4 comments:
I think that it is really important for kids to see that parents know how to work out problems and that families/relationships aren't perfect and there are disagreements. As long as it is dealt with in a healthy way. But good for you for being willing to examine your relationship instead of just being hurt or defensive.
It's important, too, to show you kids the difference between healthy arguing...and fighting. And healthy argument/discussion should lead to some sort of resolution, while fighting gets you nowhere. Figthing only feeds the flesh.
Kids should know the difference between the two, so that they will learn how to use, or not to use, these tactics in their own relationships.
You are right iron does sharpen iron; but also a gentle answer turns away wrath. Just as children disgree with each other, so will adults.
I know I have participated in a few myself and they drain every ounce of emotion from you.
It is HOW you argue that makes a difference: no name calling, no bringing up past dealt with items and no "laying hands on one suddenly" Speak to one another in love.
Willie has a secret weapon in arguing, we have hold hands and look into each others eyes. He knows I cannot remain mad at him when this happens. I usually end up crying and speaking quitely and you know him, he never yells.
I do however when he leaves take a pair of his overalls and kick the rear end part around the room.
You and Joel are growing in wisdom when you are willing to examine your relationship and validate your child's feelings.
You have a sweet family that is kind toward others and they had to have learned this from you.
Your great post reminds me of a similar experience. I was part of a "small" group with over 50 people. One time the men took all the kids in the back room for a Bible story or something.
To open things up, we went around the room answering the question "who is your favorite Bible character?". One young boy said "Goliath" and we chuckled. I made eye-contact with his father, a good friend of mine, and gave him a look that said "Nice job teaching the Bible to your kids, Buddy."
Then it was my son's turn. His favorite Bible character was "SpongeBob Squarepants". So much for the spiritual depth around our house!
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